Tuesday, March 18, 2008

A Good Driver

“I’m a good driver,” he said. “Been drivin professionally for 15 years never had one single accident.”

As he switched lanes the Tercel in the other lane quickly veered off the road into a telephone pole. With a quick glance over the shoulder he sneered, “Idiot! Probably drunk.”

Back to the passing lane he switched, forcing a black pick-up truck into the median, off of which it smashed-steel bounced into a swerving Mercedes, and together they careened into the ditch. Hearing the crash he exclaimed, “Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Well, that’s a Chinaman for ya. I’m not racist but those fuckers can’t drive worth shit!”

Looking back to the road he swerved to avoid a pedestrian and ran a red light in the wrong lane. Two cars driving perpendicular to us through the green were forced to swerve into cars stopped for the red, causing all four vehicles to explode.

“By Christ that was close!” he hollered. “Fuckin pedestrians!”

It was as he cut off a caravan and it swerved and flipped end over end six times in mid air that I turned on the television over his bunk in the back. The President was addressing the press, and through them, the nation.

“I, am a good pres-i-daant,” he drawled. “During my time in office I worked hard to build our great nation’s economy and protect our security, and nothing could affect my resolve!”

Just then a homeless man’s frozen body dropped dead. “What was that thud?” the President asked, scanning the assembled press corps for answers.

A giant drill broke sacred ground, the caribou starved and thundered into a pit of oil, and the locals joined the welfare line at the back. The President didn’t seem to notice. A two-tonne bomb landed in a remote southern village taking many lives and leaving many widowed wives hungry and wondering if there is something wrong with their country’s economic resolve.

“Today, thanks to me, we are a stronger, richer nation,” the President replied distractedly.

Then a transport truck ran him over, and I was distracted from that television when I heard the trucker say, “What was that thud?”

Secret service bullets came smashing through the windshield.

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You could have ended it at "what was that thud?"

or "if a soveriegn nation falls in the middle east, does it make a sound?"

Google "George Bush deffining sovereign". The Youtube copies should still be available for a quick laugh.

Nice piece of work here. You're becoming as sharp as an obsidian blade with your political humor.

I'm not quite sure I followed that one.

Was the person who is recalling this in the truck with a "suicide bomber"/killer?

And I didn't get the homeless man part. Was the homeless dude just...there? In the crowd at the press conference?

The rest of it made sense, and just because it's over my head doesn't mean it's not fantastic.
eric: yeah, maybe could have spared the last line, but something about that hail of bullets i couldn't resist.

rayke: well, you know, as the reader you can take it however you want, so, you tell me. i'm just glad you read it. btw, the most recent installment of 'in the interest of truth and honesty' (the one about sam and ellie) is below.
Your keeping good company, if only through circumstance.

Where's the Oswalds when you need 'em?
dancing with the stars?
Um, can I just ditto what I said about the poem above?
Very nice job with the theme.
sure thing. these were written leading up to when he was re-elected, and i could just smell the slaughterhouse stench in the air, hard rain a comin. it's soaked us all. i'm slightly more optimistic the americans won't make that mistake with mccain.
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