Friday, December 14, 2007

Start of Something New

I let go of the man’s heart and removed my hand from his chest cavity. The corners of his mouth rose and a peaceful smile spread across his face. I strolled across his living room and out onto his balcony. The expanse of Lake Ontario lay before my feet, and to my left and right were nothing but voices of longing. “Hear me O Lord, Praise Thee Allah, Help me Jesus.”

I followed the voices through the streets, north, east, and west, along the streetcar track veins, underground and over-ground, even above my head in the sky, everybody longed for something: food, jobs, friends, safety, love, excitement, meaning, fulfillment. They suffered and screamed in my ears, and finally I jumped.

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A new version of an ancient Aztec ritual? The metaphoric means of taking inspiration from man, and not waiting for the gods to plant it in your own heart, perhaps...

Then, the leap of faith. Or the lack of it.

Very interesting prose poem.

Thank you for the wishes. They all help.
The thoughts of the reaper.


I love these interpretations. They're both way off, but so fun! Keep 'em coming.
Very, very good start.
Start of something new indeed.

I think I would have started with
“Hear me O Lord, Praise Thee Allah, Help me Jesus.”

But that's me, dabbler for some years in journalism...Important stuff on top.

Your are braver than I am.
(I never show anybody my first drafts).


Ivan: Thanks so much. And I agree with you about important stuff first, and also frame the story, jump right in. Don't blame you about first drafts, in fact that's why this is just a mere snippet.

All: I have edited this post to include a picture of the grinch putting the boots to Santa. Just my quirky way of saying Happy Holidays and may the bells of Peace Ring in the New Year. I'm off to Trana for a week with the inlaws, which is at least 25 percent more fun than it sounds. If anybody needs me I'll be in the sauna. But I'll be back before you can drain your rum n eggnog.
The first thing that popped into my head was a girl who just broke up with a guy, and he quickly got over it.

But then I kept reading and my theory lost footing.

Actually, the very VERY first thing I thought of, was the scene from the "Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom" when the dude rips the other dudes heart out.

It does have a way of reaching out and demanding attention.
Well, either way, it's still pretty good. I'm out of weird interpretations involving faith or blood ritual.

Hope your holidays are going well.
The shortest story in the world...and it said so much.
It was weird, because even though the sorrow in this story is so evident in the words, I almost felt as though hearing all the voices and the longing was bringing him great pleasure.
I see a girl ending a relationship with a man, and the jump being a move onto pastures new
Happy holidays, Benji.

I hope you and yours are having a great weekend.
Hmmm perhaps it could fulfil whatever the reader sees in it?

A multiple interpretation of sorts?

Great start though. I liiiiike it!

Happy Holidays my friend.

Rayke, you're the closest so far. the true story lies somewhere between your two theories.

TC: kind of like a hungry cat in the morning.
Thanks Eric, things have been eventful but well. Happy Holidays to you.

BBE: thanks. working on that brevity. in fact, though, it's a small slice of a much bigger picture.
PP: well, i'd say she feels pretty special about hearing them, but hasn't yet decided if it's a curse or a blessing.

Toast: well done. pretty damn close.

Eric: same to you. is that the real you?

Ms. Smack: I feel that way about most creative expression. Happy Holidays!
Is she killing herself because the man was happy that the relationship was over...?
Ho! Ho!! Ho!!! SantaCat wishes you all a purrrfect Christmas.

Next year, please leave catnip with the milk and cookies. :-)
I have always wanted to see Lake Ontario.

Stupid comment--anyway Merry Christmas.
jumped... into a hot bath? cozy bed? what what what? ufff... you cant just keep me hanging there - no wait, u just did. d'oh!

Happy holidays!
Yeah that's the real Eric1313...
Scary, huh?

Yep, it's me flying the flutterby, tonight... but not always!

So, she's looking at her own mortality, weighing the jump vs the tolls of living onward, of breaking hearts, and in the process her own?

Or something kinda like that... We would probably need a little more when you decide to show us the next bit of the story. But this is good. As my prof taught me, one should not do all the work for the reader. Don't give away every detail, just the right ones, and let the reader fill in blanks themselves. It makes the story that much more personal to them.

You're doing that perfectly.
Rayke: well, no. it's the voices.

TC: Happy Holidays. Here's to peace in the new year.
EOTR: i recommend skipping the big lake and heading straight for the atlantic, the more northerly part. cold but beautiful. Happy New Year!

CD: toward the concrete far below. Happy New Year!

TBB/Eric: not so scary, kinda handsome actually.

Well, it's all a bit more simple than that. it's a thoughtless act, driven by the madness of genius perhaps, but mostly it's the voices. Hmmm, maybe I should post more, unveil this shroud of mystery, reveal the little man in the back. The problem is, as it often is lately, I've entered this in a contest, and it must remain unpublished to be eligible, and those crazy literary folks sometimes consider blogs 'published'. i really don't see why self-published roughcuts should count, but there you have it. so i can't reveal too much, just in case. i don't expect to win though, because after reviewing what i entered i realized it was still very much a rough copy. bit of a rushed job for what turned out to be a pretty long short story.
Ah, is it a case of murder-suicide? A passionate love story gone tragically bad!
Check me on New Years day. There's an award for you waiting in the wings.

Mwa ha ha ha!
duuh, i knew that Benji, but the optimist in me was still believing that it might all be a bad dream...

have a wicked 2008!
Ms. Smack: Well, no. In fact, they both survive. Oops, I've said too much.

This has been a lot of fun for me, reading all these guesses, interpretations and ideas of my little snippet. One of these days I'd like to copy a post on Ms. Smack's blog and start a story and let my readers take turns advancing and eventually finishing it. Then I could post the whole shebang as a collective work.
Eric: ok, will do. Been a particularly busy holidays, having too much fun, but will get back into my routine soon and swing by your crib to catch up.

CD: That's astute. Not a bad dream but she does survive. The question is [applies shades David Caruso style]: how?
Uh oh! You are your own spoiler!

I'll pretend not to have read that.

Happy New Year! Have fun then when the dust clears write more.
To me, this sounds like dream language, with the final wakening coming in the last sentence. The theme is that of want, or lack (almost in Maslow-like order).

Perhaps the voices represent her collective self, an insecurity stirred by the letting go of one relationship into uncertainty.
Eric: a new one just begun, enjoy!

XDell: nice to see you here. that's a deep interpretation, which works quite nicely for me. Though it's not exactly a dream. Just dreamy.
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