Friday, October 26, 2007

All Through This Room

All through this room
images of you
abounding in shadows of flowers
a riverbed stream
where you held a righteous dream
and picked me sumac
to while away the hours

The puppets come to life
dancing before me
tracing our paths
to another lifetime

When we owned the world
and our pride stole it away
it was then we were freed
in the arms of each other
casting shadows on a green wall
two figures in the thralls of love

Looking up to you
you see my S-shaped arms
sketching in a sketchbook
the artwork on our walls
no this life’s not our first together
not likely our last

Children on your t-shirt
make a future of the past
this room smells of you
your skin on my mind
your skin all over me

You are the one
who freed me from time

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Hi folks, any and all comments on the poem here are as always much appreciated. But I also want to ask y'all a provocotive question:

When have you come closest to feeling like a rockstar?
This may well be your best poem, or one of them, at least. The favoring of verbs over adjectives sets this one apart--both are important, but sometimes people overload on colorful adjectives, when the best thing is just the right adjectives, and let the actions described speak for themselves. And each line is measured out to a perfect rhythm. It all works very well.

Even more so than playing in an actual band, I've found writing has gotten me closest to the rock star plateau. I love writing. And perhaps, that's why it has worked for me. Or perhaps the other way around, it works for me, so I love it. Either way, it's a rare, positive catch 22.
Does playing in a cheesy lounge count?
Years ago, I was a bad Robert Goulet.
But with Elvis tendencies.
when I was drunk and high on drugs at the same time was as close to rock star status I have ever felt.
Thanks Eric, yeah this one flows pretty well. Not sure it's my best, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. Also glad writing makes you feel like a rockstar, wish I could say the same. But I still love it.

Ivan: I think anything with Elvis tendencies counts.

TWM: highly rockstarish behaviour.
It's just the closest I feel to being one, really. I wasn't a very good rockstar when I had a sound stage--I wasnb't an a-hole enough to pull it off.

And your writing should entitle you to that feeling, as well. You have melodic qualities, and a grasp on political themes. That's the hallmark of the best rockstars, not just the Poison's and the Motly Crues. You have something to say a little more important than "Girl don't go away mad--girl just go away". Even if you don't think so, revel a bit. Just a bit. You have the mic. Rock it.
Benji, I'm not much of a lover of poetry at all. I don't feel like I can comment because it's something I haven't enjoyed since I was a teen. I read what you write though.

A rock star. Hmm. Probably playing guitar one day at my mom's and singing, not realizing anyone was listening, only to stop and see family staring at me. Then niece said, "Omg, I'm crying. That was so beautiful." I was shocked and completely embarrassed.
Damn, man.
You're the only living boy in Toronto, or wherever you are. It makes me so happy to come here.

If you want to be published, you are good enough to be published, if that's what you want to know.

BTW, that about how this life's not our first together, I have felt too.
Beth: cool story about the guitar. sounds like you rocked it with no need for embarrassment. Wish I could do that.

Jeanne: golly, blush. well, i'll be happy if i can read something at next month's open mic poetry slam and not get laughed at. it's always good to see you here.
Eric: yeah, writing is a good feeling, when you get the right turn of phrase or come up with a key concept or plot twist, it's a good buzz. but really it's also work - then again i guess being a rockstar is also work.

Closest I've ever come to feeling like a rockstar was in a little village in Ghana, at a funeral. The mourning was over and it was time to dance. When we danced (my wife and I) we were surrounded by a massive crowd of cheering women and children waving bandanas at us and screaming delightedly.
That's a great story.

I can almost picture it, the people cheering you on, welcoming you further into their social structure. And all because both of you embraced it readily.

Your day to day life their could be a really good story, I'd bet. Hardwork, but a good feeling afterward.
Many great images in this poem... the first few line captures so much about how the most banal things become saturated with meaning.

Felt like most a rockstar... hmmm.
All my instances totally reveal my dorkish nature, and are in regards to good feedback and attention in reaction to some research presentations.


Or maybe when I used to do live theatre. That's a way better answer!
Eric: well, not sure how much we made into their social structure, but they were excellent hosts on the whole, and very kind to us.

PP: LOL, Big Dorks welcome here, don't worry. Theatre sounds fun. I'm petrified of performing before a crowd, but next month I'm daring myself to read at an open mic spoken word. It's a start.
Benji, first of all, I love the poem. I can relate to it. I am not a writing critic, so I can't critique it like the other folks do, I can only feel it from a visceral level, and it's wonderful.

Second, I feel like a rock star all the time :-) No, really, I have been told by many folks that I have what is called "star quality", and I have this weird ability to walk into a room and be the center of attention. I don't try to do it, it just happens.

There, aren't you glad you asked?
Josie: I am glad I asked indeed, and somehow that doesn't surprise me about you. It's your Popeye (I yam what I yam), no BS, attitude, that draws people to you. With so many people invested so heavily in imaging, branding, etc., it's very refreshing, and rocks out.
I can't believe you labeled this "love junk", it rocked! Sometimes you just amaze me, the way you so casually slip back and forth between stories, poetry, commentaries....

And fridays are for Rock Stars!

Thanks Singleton, you flatter me. Alas, it is now Monday, and this rockstar would prefer to be in bed.
Uhh....2 years ago on stage at Mr. Wolfs. The whole crowd was dancing to one of my songs - the only time that's ever happened.

I can still taste it.

Toast: you really are a rockstar, that's awesome! Jim Cuddy wrote in one of his songs: 'I learned to play guitar so I could be where people danced.' the power to make them do so is a force of nature that you somehow tapped into at that moment. Too sweet.
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