Friday, June 15, 2007

Four Years Ago Today...

It was our first date. To commemorate:

Tar smells
over birch tree stings
and temperatures at both extremes
Bodies there
lay totally bare
and yours bore all my big dreams

In darkness we dove
till moonlight we rode
followed roads into our past
"Moonlight suits you" I said
it went to your head
these were the times that last

If novelty's gone
our future lives on
we can't forget the past
Gets better from here
we shake all our fears
and hold each other fast

Your body round
so deep and profound
explains the universe
My eyes explore
my hands adore
the reasons why we work

An experience shared
a common concern
rooted in compassion
We stay the same
steady as rain
pictures fall from fashion

The wrinkles that come
as the skin sags
from our bodies proof of age
We'll see it all
the Roman fall
when idiots outsmart the sage

The brook babbles by
dry leaves under thigh
softness of cries escape
Sometimes we scream
through nightmare dreams
before laughter finally takes shape

Salt on my lips
searching your hips
seeking the taste of skin
Latin feasts
sea-supplied beasts
Making the most of sin

The heat of promise
broken and kept
delayed and finally delivered
The warmth of home
the rush of bliss
elevating the peak we entered

The brush of your skin
you invited me in
I finally decided to stay
Your lips on my cheek
my strength when I'm weak
the constant in my days

Hot tears on my face
so easily traced
from all the times I cried
My love my hope
my strength my faith
My reason not to die

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That is so lovely and reflects what I hope love is.
This has great meter and flows really well. The specific rhyming scheme that you chose can be difficult to work within for a longer poem, but you went with it to communicate a great idea that within what might be perceived as sin and even sought after at first lustily is actually just a road to love--which as everyone knows is the greatest human virtue when its true. Saddly, it's becoming less and less common that anyone wants to care for each other any deeper than just a romp in the leaves. Not to mention the nature/human nature themes, I thought.
Making poetry out of own thoughts that (possibly) try to strangle yourself (in a metaphoric way of course)... is sometimes like a little therapy. Or a clever technique to bind someone to yourself ;)
damn boy, you're good, your really good!
Benji, with work like that, half the ladies online will be swooning for you. :-)
thanks PP, it seems to be so in my case.

Eric, thanks for the feedback. I do have a penchant for the longverse - it's the bluenoser in me, we love our shanty tales with an accordian backbeat. the nature references, while very vague, refer specifically to the finnish sauna.

Ro: or to drive someone away in some cases, or with certain poetry.

cd: what can I say but thank you?

tomcat: taken. but i guess online swooning is a step toward heart-throb stardom, and the accompanying big bucks, so okay.
ahh, the infamous Finnish sauna.
Very nice.
in fact better than the russian banya.
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