Monday, August 28, 2006

The King of Finland

If I was the King of Finland
all the cop cars would be pink
and their passengers would get
free merengue lessons in an open concept jail

Che Guevara t-shirts would be banned
and the number of Indian food restaurants
would be tripled, quadrupled outside Helsinki

I'd put a sexshop and a tattoo parlour in every small town
and the kids could only use the library on Sundays
I would, of course, have a few King B industries
on the side, with monopolies in fresh mushrooms and
roadside coffee shops named after millionaire NHLers

I would confiscate every video lottery terminal
and put them in a giant casino in Lapland
with all profits and associated jobs
going to the Saami who live there

All citizens would be required to pass level 12 English
and attend a series of improv comedy classes
in which no mention of Russia or the war could be made

Lastly, I would annex the land to Canada
as the eleventh province.


In exchange for the English courses, I think a 'casual Friday' option would be good for morale.
I know a well organised troop of lumpen prolatariate who may back your manifesto with violence. But prehaps change the title "king" to something a little more popularist. Like "Mate".
Raw, salted whitebait as a breakfast standard?
Indeed Mob, a casual everyday, and I should enforce a "clothing diversification policy" while I'm at it.

Helga, this is good news, I hope they are tougher than the Russians.

Ultra, its the cream of wheat that makes me cantankerous.

Finns and their land are great, truth be told, but there are some things I miss back in Canuckistan.
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